Triumph

Parenting:

Moments of hope and despair

Moments of triumph and defeat

Moments of dependence and independence

Moments to love, hug, laugh, cry, do over, pick up, plan, be

Moments to take your breath away

Last week I received a note from my twenty year old daughter who has spent the last sixteen months in New York. She’s my spunky middle child who is so much like me that when she was little we’d butt heads. She was also the only child, out of all five who were home schooled, to never go to any form of public school. Home schooling adds another dimension to the parenting equation – another worry, another reason to say “I really can’t blow this”, and another element where as a parent I would have to step back and let them sink or swim on their own.  As most parents do I tried to teach her the value of work, play, compassion, respect (for herself, others, the environment), things of God, and things of learning- math, reading, history, science and such.

Then I got her note which says, “Thank you for helping me know how to be myself and be happy with being ME (something I have found to be a rare attribute to have). I love my life so much!”

Though it wasn't intentional in the midst of 1+1=2 and ABCs and "say your prayers" and "take out the trash" she learned one of life’s most important lessons.

There is no formula for parenting. It’s a mix of being present, encouraging, allowing freedom within safe boundaries, giving a helping hand when the fall is too big, and cheering, hugging, and letting go.

What is a moment of triumph you have experienced as a parent? 

Exquisite Sadness of Life

The phrase ‘the exquisite sadness of life’ keeps running through my head today. One of Webster’s definitions of exquisite is ‘marked by deep sensitivity’.  Today we buried a neighbor, teacher, brother in Christ; tomorrow we bury another such soul. Two good men doing the right things: being fantastic husbands, awesome fathers, exemplary brothers, and so much more. Though our lives touched each others lightly it was a touch that with each encounter was leaving a lasting impression. This exquisite sadness- a feeling of deep sensitivity comes from the ability to also experience exquisite joy, exquisite contentment, exquisite passion because without the descending into the ‘valley of shadow’ one cannot stand on the mountain at sunrise and see all the beauty of creation. Without those moments that cut and cause tears to flow and flow, one cannot roll on the floor, clutching the belly and laughing. Life and all its many forms is a creature to be cherished, not locked in a gilded cage and kept safe (for there is no sure path), but to be grabbed hold of and lived to its fullest. For now, and for many days to come, I will ‘mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort’.  We will all breathe in and breathe out each moment rolling into the next as we live a life exquisite.

Cousins

My mom sent me this photo taken at a family gathering in a small mountain village in northern Italy. Cousins. Years ago a met a few of them. If I showed up and announced who I was, who I belonged to, I’d be welcomed with open arms, fed, housed and fed some more. And I’m not even related by blood. My step-dad is related to these people, I'm not sure how, the family lines get murky so cousins covers it.

Around the table are a few of my kids (dark hair) and my three half siblings (light hair). The last time we were together was two years ago for our father’s funeral. We recently gathered together with their mom and her new husband.  My oldest half sibling is the same age as my youngest child. Technically they are aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews.  The kids get confused especially the seven year old “uncle” to the twenty-five year old “niece”.  Cousins fits better. A less completed way to explain the connection.

Here is my some of my family with my mother-in-law’s cousin’s child and her husband and their children. Something like my husband’s second cousin once removed. Not sure what my kids would call her kids. We opt for cousins. We get together as often as we can. This is so much easier to do now that we both live in the same state.

On paper the blood relationship my family has with each of these people is thin to non-existent. In the heart the feelings run thick. And for me causes my breath to catch and tears to form when I think of how many people I get to love. I see beautiful golden threads linking between all of us, entwining us and holding us close throughout this generation, the generation gone before, and the generations yet to be. 

What special "heart connections" do you have? People you think of as family though the genetic connection might be thin.